In my coaching practice, I encounter many clients who seem to be stuck either in a cycle of blaming another for life not turning out how they’d like or blaming themselves for what they perceive to be a failure. How do we get to a place where we are living blame-free?
When we point the finger at someone else, we don’t have to be responsible for our part in the situation. If I can make myself “right” about a certain topic or event, clearly, the other person is the one who is “wrong”, not me. It may feel powerful in the short run to deflect some of the burden onto someone else, but it’s actually nonproductive. Sooner or later, whatever we’ve deflected onto another will return to remind us of the lesson we are trying to avoid learning. At that point, we’ll either finally take responsibility or continue in the cycle of blame.
Blame is simply stuck energy. It keeps us stuck in a cycle of thinking that has us justify our side of the story and keeps us in a state of victimhood.
When we blame others, we are essentially making other people in our lives responsible for our happiness. Does that sound right? Making your happiness contingent upon the behavior of another is a dead-end street. Basically, you’re once again deflecting responsibility for yourself and your own happiness. What if nothing in that person’s behavior changes? How long are you willing to wait for another to show up for you the way you need them to?
Here’s a practice for today: Give up the habit of blame and begin to take responsibility for your own actions, reactions and responses. If you need guidance and support to start this practice, reach out to me. I’m thrilled to partner with you as you make this practice a part of your everyday life.
See if you can catch yourself when you want to point fingers at someone else or criticize them for doing or not doing something.
Take note of how you feel with this new self-awareness.